Day 100

I have written an introduction to an update so many times and then deleted it. I'm really not sure how to begin this update. So I'm just going to begin it this way. It is just awkward enough to fit how I feel these days.

100 days. It doesn't seem like so long when I word it that way. Almost a third of a year...that feels a little longer. My perspective flip flops almost daily when I think about the amount of time that we have spent with Silas.

I've been trying to think of one word that I could use to summarize our first 100 days. I think I'm going to go with supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. That's what you're supposed to say when you don't know what to say, right?

All in all, life has been great. Really. When I take a step back and look at our life from a distant vantage point, we really and truly have a blessed life. It's impossible to not be grateful at the end of the day.  We have continued to share so many firsts with Silas and that is such a joy.

2. Playing dress up with brothers

1. Getting to know cousins

3. Trying to ride a bike

5. Driving!

4. Riding!

6. Video Games

7. Flashlights!!

8. Grocery shopping

9. Road tripping

10. Hiking

11. Halloween

12. Losing a tooth!

13. Animals!!

14. Getting dizzy on a tire swing!

All of these and so much more that I can't even begin to include on the blog! And we are still going. Almost daily we encounter something new. But along with all of these firsts that seem so great come challenges that aren't so much fun to talk about. It's funny how pictures can speak one thing and yet the reality of that picture can be something totally different. In every single picture that I just posted, there is an obstacle that we had to overcome or are trying to overcome still. Some of them are bigger than others. Some of them are totally normal, that every child deals with. Some of them are really good victories. Some of them are just plain hard. With almost every happy moment, there is a struggle of some kind.

Along with all of the fun firsts also come the hard firsts. The firsts nobody really talks about. The ones that remind you that you have absolutely no idea what you're doing as a parent. The ones that leave you praying to God for strength because you realize that you just can't do this on your own. The first time he tests his boundaries. The first time he tells you he doesn't like you. The first time he says he wants to go back to his old school. The first time he disobeys. The first time he lies to you. The first time that you have to discipline him.

Because after all, he is a child. He is just a normal kid who struggles with all the same things that all kids struggle with. Sharing, getting along with siblings, wanting his own way. But not only is he a normal kid dealing with normal kid things, he is a child that has zero reason to love and trust you. A child who really has no idea what love is. A child that is relying on you to teach him how this life works in literally almost every aspect.

This life is hard. And as a good friend of ours reminds us, adoption is not for the faint of heart. We wake up every morning not knowing what we will be dealing with and praying for good to come out of whatever it is. And then we go to bed every night talking about all we wished we had done differently and praying that good will come out of whatever happened.

But it's in those struggles that beauty comes. Sometimes it's immediate and it's rewarding and we can cheer. But other times, it's not immediate. Sometimes, it's not rewarding. Sometimes, it just plain stinks. But there is still beauty. I really have no clue why God chose me for this job. And even with all of the hard things, I am so grateful that he chose me. When I sit on the couch with him and he reaches over and wraps his little fingers around mine, I am reminded of how far we have come, how long I waited for him to be in my arms and how much God has done and is doing in his life and in our family, the tears of gratefulness fall. All of these things are necessary to his growth and understanding of who he is. As each day goes by, he is finding his place in this world. His place in our family. His place in God's family. And it is worth it. So worth it.

So when you see our happy pictures on Facebook, remember to say a little prayer for us. Yes, we are happy. Incredibly happy. But just with any Facebook post, there are hard moments that come with the happy pictures! I think it would do a world of good if we could remember that for everyone we encounter!