So, surprisingly, I wasn't as nervous on the morning of as I thought I would be. We got up and ate our last breakfast at the hotel. I felt a little bit better. My throat wasn't hurting anymore, but the sinus pressure was still there. We held hands and prayed together as a family in our hotel room, asking for grace and peace and to feel better at least for the time there. We checked out, and then our guide was there to pick us up. We chatted a little with her on the way, but it was a quiet ride and my heart was at rest. I honestly think it helped that we had been to the outside of the orphanage before. I recognized where I was and I knew when we were getting close. It's never fun to not know where you are or how much longer it will take to get there or what it will look like once you get there. So I think the absence of those fears alleviated a lot of my anxiety.
When we arrived, we met one of the directors. She was a young girl who, surprisingly, spoke very good English. She showed us to the playground where she asked us to wait while she went to get our "boy" as they referred to Qi Long throughout the morning. We stood there awkwardly, until I finally saw a little face walking toward us. I recognized him from 20 feet away. I had no idea if he would look anything like the pictures we had seen. You never know if the pictures are old and what kind of things have changed since then. But he looked exactly the same. No, I take that back, he was even cuter. There was a bit of awkward silence when he first got there, and he began to cry. I knelt down and said hello, but it didn't really help at all. He wasn't hysterical or anything, it was just a soft, I have no idea what is going on right now, cry. We had brought some snacks with us per the guides recommendation, and he took the snacks, but it didn't change the fact that he was just uncomfortable. Which is completely understandable.
After a few bites of the snack, I tried to ask him what he had been doing in class and he just looked at me. Then I told him that I really liked his shoes. And he looked down at his shoes and looked at me and then began to walk back toward the door where he had come from. The director walked with him and talked to him for a little bit, and they decided to go back inside. We stood there talking with the guide for a little bit. She encouraged us that this was totally normal. It's obviously a hard situation. |
| Outside of his classroom |
So we stood outside for a little bit and the director finally came back out with no little boy. My heart sunk a little bit and I thought for a moment she was going to tell us that it just wasn't going to work out. I asked if maybe they could bring out one of his friends with him and that might help him be more willing to play on the playground with us. But she said that she spoke with the teachers and they thought it might be best if we came to his class and saw him in his environment. Of course! They had originally told us that we couldn't come inside, so I was thrilled to be able to see a little bit more of his life. However, they said we couldn't take pictures inside to respect the privacy of the other children. Maybe we would try to pull him aside later on for some pictures with him.
So we went inside and he was still a little sniffly, but he wasn't crying anymore. The teacher told us it was snack time and asked if we had anything to share. Luckily, we came prepared. I don't know what inspired me to buy so much food, but I just didn't know what to bring, so I bought a lot. We had found some cheese balls at the store and I was excited and bought two bags. So I gave those to them and they opened the bag for Qi Long. That sweet little boy walked around to every kid in his class and served them cheese balls. Then he walked up to Sean and gave him a few, then Stephen, then me and Justin. That was our first successful contact with him and it was on his terms. He cautiously placed a cheese ball in my open hand and for the first time we had eye contact. After another round of serving his friends, he finally ate some himself, the whole time keeping one eye on what he was doing, and one eye on us. 
The kids each went and got their cups and as the teacher poured them some water, I decided to move in a little. I went and sat down behind him and asked him if he wanted to drink some water. He turned and looked at me and our eyes locked. I could see his wheels turning in his head and I wish I knew what he was thinking. It was almost as if he just wanted to know if I was real, if he could trust me. All I could do was stare back at him and right before his teacher came by to pour his water, I was able to touch the back of his head and say I love you. And then the moment was gone, but as he slowly drank his water, I prayed that he would remember the words.
At this point, we still didn't know what they had told him. Who were we and why were we here? We had talked to our guide and asked her, but she didn't know. We talked about how we all agreed that maybe it was too early to really talk about us adopting him and that we were just friends that wanted to play with him and his friends. But as I sat down on the floor behind his chair, the teacher got up and said that Qi Long's mom and dad were here and told the children to tell us hello. Justin and I looked at each other and shrugged and thought, Well ok. Here we go!
The kids sang a couple of songs and did their motions. He kept watching us to see if we were watching him, which of course we were. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. He did so well at his motions and even giggled a little when they all patted their bottoms at one part in the song. (He will fit in well with our boys.) When we first got there, I had asked if I could teach a song, to hopefully break some of the ice. When they got finished with their songs, the teacher announced that I was going to teach a song. So we spent a few minutes working on an old classic, Head Shoulders Knees and Toes. They all did a great job and it was so much fun. Qi Long had been softening up the whole time, but I think this was when his walls came down. He was grinning from ear to ear and he laughed and giggled and jumped and did the motions. Every time we went a little bit faster, he laughed even harder. It was beautiful. I can't wait to hear that laughter in our home.
Next they got out some music instruments for the kids. Qi Long got two pair of clappers and a little
bit into their first song, he gave one pair to Justin who was sitting behind him. They got up and marched around the room with their instruments. Every time they did it again, he would walk all the way to the back of the line. He would never cut in line. They are doing a great job at this place teaching them manners. I've lived around here for over 2 years and I have never seen a grown adult go to the back of the line and patiently wait his turn like this little 5 year old boy.
After a few circles around the room, music class was over and we were told that it was time for them to go to lunch, so it was time for us to go. We gave the teachers all the extra snacks we had brought. Sean had carried around a miniature soccer ball we had bought the whole morning and Justin told him to give it to Qi Long and he did. He came over to me and gave the ball back to me and walked away. I called his name and he turned around and looked at me. I held my hand out and asked him to come back and when he did I told him that we wanted to give him the ball and asked if that was ok. He gave me a little grin and nodded his head. And then he walked back over to Sean and gave it back to him. Haha. So our guide asked him to come outside and we invited him to take some pictures with us. It was a hard picture to take because it was all I could do to not scoop him up into a big bear hug. We wanted to give him his space. But as Justin rested his hand on Qi Long's shoulder, he slowly began to lean into his leg and by the last few pictures Justin had his arm all the way around him. We gave him a little teddy bear and told him it was his very own bear. His little eyes lit up and when I asked him if we could come back to visit, he nodded his head in agreement.
We watched him walk away with his class and headed downstairs. Because I knew it was coming, it actually wasn't as hard as I thought. Of course, I didn't want to leave him there, but knowing,from what we saw, that he was in good care gave me much relief and I could breathe easier than I had before. Now, after a couple of days, the reality is beginning to sink in of how much longer we have. I woke up this morning wishing he was in the other room. I turned Christmas music on this afternoon and just felt an aching hole in my heart because it's so hard to celebrate with us here and him there. I can't explain it. I don't have anything to compare it to. But it just hurts. I wonder how he is doing. I wonder how he is processing everything. I wonder what he thinks and I wonder at how confusing it all must seem to him. We gave him a picture of our family and the director told us that his caretaker in the evenings would show it to him and they would talk about the picture and what it meant.
As we left, she told us that she thought it was actually good that we had a lot of time. So that he would have enough time to process what was going on. The ladies that we met seemed to genuinely care about him and I hope that it's true. We want nothing more to than to spend more time with him, but she told us that we could probably only come back one more time before we pick him up. That will be hard, but I understand why. It's hard for the other kids too. We can send him packages though, and we intend to do that regularly with things that he can share with his class.
As much as it hurts to wait right now, we are so thankful for the time that we had with him. We have tried to be serious about the paperwork since we started and I feel like we have done pretty decent. But now, more than ever, I have a motivation to keep me going. Qi Long is no longer a picture on our wall and a file saved on our computer. He is a real, living, breathing, laughing, crying, jumping, smiling little boy. He knows our faces and hopefully, he knows that we think he is special. So, here is to fundraising. Let's bring this boy home!!
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