Waiting for the Lord...Part 2

So this is the "...to be continued..." post from the other day. Click here if you want to read post 1. My focus for the last week or so has been a very familiar verse. One that I have always looked to for encouragement and the strength to endure.

 But this time, when I looked to this verse, I found myself feeling much less than. And I wanted to know why. So, I asked God to show me. In the last post, I wrote about how he lead me to Hebrews 12:1-3 and that I needed to make sure that my eyes were focused on the right thing.

That's easy enough to say, but how do I do that? I can fix my eyes on Jesus in the midst of my quiet time, but just being honest here, that's if I get that far. Some days even that is such a struggle. But how can I make sure that my eyesight remains fixed on Him throughout my day, and ultimately, throughout my very uncomfortable waiting period?

Although it isn't always the case, sometimes God, in his mercy, gives us the step by step instructions that we so desperately need.

1. We are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. At the moment, I live on the other side of the world, in a very small town, 3 hours away from an airport and with only 1 restaurant that has something that resembles chicken strips and french fries. Currently, my husband, my two boys and myself are the only foreigners in town. If anyone is tempted to say, "Where is my cloud of witnesses?" I'd call dibs. But, the truth is that the love and unity from the Body of Christ, provided by the Holy Spirit, crosses oceans and the beautiful mess called the Internet makes almost anything possible. Wherever I am, whatever season of life I am in, whether I am in church or not, I have access to the body of believers. There are people that have gone before me, that have walked the roads I am now walking, and though the situations may not be identical, there is wisdom found in reaching out to others. 

Step 1: Ask for prayer. Don't be too proud to let others know that I am struggling. Seek out people that I can trust. People that have shown me their reliability in the past. Don't keep going back to people that make me feel unworthy. But also, don't take away someone else's opportunity to minister to me and to see God answer prayers in their own walk of faith, because I am too prideful to ask for prayer.

2. Throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  Like many verses in the Bible, I've read this part many times. However, I have this uncanny ability to only want to focus on the parts that give me warm fuzzy feelings inside. Right?

As I meditated on this segment, I began to see sin in my life that was completely holding me captive. Things that weren't bad from the outside, but that were eating me away from the inside.

 Let's just get real here. 

Eating anything that I can get my hands on. At midnight. 

Scrolling through Facebook and reading the same posts for the 10th time because it's the middle of the night back home and no one is awake. Those aren't my kids screaming at each other in the other room. I need to click refresh one more time, just in case there is something new. 

Staying up way too late, because that's when people back home actually ARE awake. 

Constantly comparing my journey with someone else's journey. 

Getting frustrated when someone else advances to their next step...when it's THEIR TURN and it's due time!! 

Surely I can't be the only one? Maybe I am the only one, and if so, then the 2 people that are reading this can totally judge me. 

It's ok. I deserve it.

Um, Netflix. (I didn't really just say that, did I?) 

Basically, doing anything and everything to ease the monotony of waiting, but nothing of value.

This isn't an easy part. These are all things that make me feel better, so I think. But all of these things are simply a distraction. An attempt to fill my longings with something other than Jesus. 

In the end, He is the ONLY thing that satisfies. He is my portion. 

Step 2: Be humble enough to ask God to show me what is standing in my way of letting him renew my strength. And when he reveals it, THROW.IT.OFF. Like a sweatshirt that I put on that fall morning when it was 60 degrees, but now at noon it's 90 degrees again. THROW.IT.OFF. Like a cockroach that just landed on my arm when you opened the cabinet.
THROW.IT.OFF. Like the sin that it is, that trips me up, entangles me, traps me, and causes me to miss out on seeing God in my circumstance.

Ok, you get the picture.

*Please note: I am not saying that my sin is what is causing me to still wait. I am saying that my sin is what is getting in the way of feeling my strength being renewed. Instead, it leads me to feeling like my strength is being zapped, because my eyes are not fixed on the Lord.

3. Run with perseverance the race marked out for me. Do something. Pretty simple. God has plans for me. He has a schedule for me everyday. He has an itinerary for me. And it's exciting. But I have to show up. I have to put on a bra and get out the door. Brushing my teeth is greatly preferred, but really it's not a necessity. Not like a bra.

I have to make that phone call. I have to invite those friends over. I have to go the extra mile. 

Get out of my comfort zone. Live life. Walk humbly with my God.

But I'm already so busy! Re-evaluate what I'm busy with. Does it have eternal value? Is there anything I can set aside for now to make room for something God is really asking me to do?

Step 3: Ask God to show me a direction, and then walk in it. No, run in it. It takes perseverance. But He has already set out the path for me. I just have to open my eyes to see it. Sometimes, all it takes is getting out the door, and He will show me! There are encounters to be had, people that need and want to hear what I have to say, prayers that need to be prayed, and necks that need to be hugged. This world is not lacking in need and most of the time it's harder to avoid the need than it is to do something about. I can speak that from experience. Avoidance is a tricky dance that strips me of every ounce of energy I have. Embrace the call God has on my life. Stop pushing him away.

It's a beautiful place inside the center of His will. 

Step 4: Remember that Jesus is the author and perfecter of my faith and it is his JOY. He is the one that wrote the story of my faith and He is the one that is continually fine tuning it and molding me into what He wants me to be. I am responsible for my actions and my choices, but God has written the story of my faith. Remember that. Marvel at Him. And trust Him with it. And feel the freedom of it. 

Step 5: Consider Him who endured such opposition...so that we do not grow weary and lose heart. I can always do myself some good when I take my attention and focus off of myself and look outward. Instantaneously, I am met with people and stories that have far greater trials than I could ever imagine. But no story outweighs the one of my Lord and Savior. The one who was kissed by his betrayer, abandoned by His closest friends who swore they would never leave him, mocked, beaten and killed, paying the price of sin for the arrogant people who hung him on that cross. The arrogant people like me. When I place myself in the correct posture of a crooked sinner in front of a Holy God, then and only then can I fix my eyes on Him and allow Him to renew my strength.

After breaking apart this scripture and let it turn me upside down, I went back to the original source of discomfort. Isaiah 40:31. I looked up some key words in the handy dandy interlinear app on Biblehub.com.

Those who WAIT on the Lord. To wait: to trust, hope, expect, look for, endure, remain. The root word in Hebrew refers to a twisting and stretching, the tension of enduring. It also means to be strong, as in a strand of rope. 

***Don't forget that a strand of rope is made up of several smaller strands. The more strands, the stronger the rope. Don't take my community for granted. Remember, reach out to others. We are made to walk this life in fellowship. Don't ever forget that.***

Will renew their strength. Renew: to change for the better. With all of that twisting and stretching caused by enduring as we wait, hope, trust and look for the Lord, we are bound to be changed. It's our choice if we are changed for the better or for the worse. Fix your eyes on Him. Remain in Him. Abide.

They will soar on wings like eagles. Think of a beautiful, graceful eagle that soars through the air, effortlessly. He doesn't flap his wings hysterically trying to keep himself up. He finds the thermal current of air and uses that to hold him up so that he can glide to the next thermal current. God holds me up during the entire flight of my life. I don't ever have to frantically flap my wings. I do have to do the things He asks me to, but all the while He is the wind beneath my wings. 

(You're singing it now, aren't you. You're welcome.)

I don't know if this is helpful to anyone else out there. I hope so. But if not, this is here as a reminder to me as I dive headfirst into my next waiting period. Our next step is to apply with the United States department of citizenship and immigration to grant a visa for Silas as our adopted son. This can take anywhere from 2 weeks to a month or more. We received confirmation today that they have received our application and now we wait. This is one of the last and final BIG steps we have to take. And the outcome of this approval will dictate when we travel. So the temptation for me to fall apart at any moment during the next few weeks is strong, but I will keep these scripture nearby this time and I will remember what the Lord has taught me. Because I know that perseverance produces character, and character leads to hope and that hope does not disappoint. (Rm. 5) And I also know that my strength is being renewed, changed for the better, as I walk through each door of this process!

A couple of prayer points:

1. We would love to have USCIS approval by or around August 1. This would keep us inline with our goal of being able to come home in September. 

2. There are some variables in this step because we live overseas. There is a potential hold up as they might request more clarification, which will increase our time and so we are praying that, if necessary, this will be a quick hold up, or not a hold up at all.

If you are still reading this, first of all, you are an amazing friend. Really. And second of all, I know that there are people out there... strangers, very close friends and family that are waiting. Some of you are waiting for very big things. Life changing things. Things that, until you receive that which you are waiting for, you feel broken and confused and forgotten, even. I know that my waiting may not be equal to yours. I know that my situation probably seems like a walk in the park next to yours. I get that. I have been there when my world fell apart and it seemed like everyone around me was complaining about something petty. I'm promise that you are NOT forgotten. I see you and I remember you in my prayers constantly. If I don't know your situation and you would like someone to pray for you, please contact me. Reach out to someone who can walk this journey with you. If not me, then find someone. I love each and every one of you. And God does too, even if you don't feel it right now. He does.

Fingerprints

We had our fingerprint appointment today! Because we live overseas, we had to travel to the closest US consulate to do this. Our closest consulate is normally a 3 hour bus ride and a 4 hour train ride away. Well, this time we were able to ride in a van, instead of a bus, and shaved 1/2 an hour off of that leg. AND the train station just opened up a second fast train that leaves in the afternoon making that train ride only 3 hours and 18 minutes! (Normally, the only non stop train leaves early in the morning and we can never make it.) Yay! We love it when things work out in our favor.

It just so happens that the consulate is in one of our favorite cities here, and also the city that Qi Long lives in. While we didn't get to see him, there is just something nice about knowing that he is near....you know, just in case. (I may or may not have tried to shamefully weasel our way in by posting fun pictures of us in the city so that the orphanage director would see we were there and maybe invite us over. She "liked" our pictures, but no invitation. She likes her rules. lol)

It rained almost the whole time we were there, but it was a great trip. We got our fingerprints done, although the machine did NOT like my fingers. After about 4 or 5 tries and it beeping it's angry beep, it finally gave us the happy beep and accepted my little prints. :) We were also able to go ahead and get our documents notarized that will go in our Dossier. Once they travel to America to be authenticated and then back to China. We were a little shocked to find out that getting 6 documents notarized at the Consulate cost us $300 USD! We didn't have to pay for the fingerprints, which normally cost $380 per adult, and we were excited about being an expat actually working in our favor for once. But then that savings was slashed in half by the notary. BUT it could have been worse.

After all of the paperwork matters, we took Little S to see his pediatrician and gave him two big ol shots. He took them like a champ! The nurse called both Justin and I in to hold him down, but he didn't even whimper. The sweet little nurse just kept saying "Amazing!" haha.

Of course, no trip to the big city would be complete without a trip to Papa Johns and it was delicious. This time we had the privilege of meeting up with a family that attends our home church, who happened to be here finalizing their adoption that week. It was so amazing to watch our paths cross and get to spend some time together. Big S totally hit it off with their boys and they had so much fun together. The adults were pretty awesome too, and of course their new princess stole the show!

I realized when all this was over, that I should totally be taking pictures of this process! You know we always take a picture every step of the way of pregnancy. Adoption should be no different! Our little guy deserves pictures of his family preparing for his arrival too! I will do a better job of that from now on! (Even if it is only a picture of me sitting in front of the computer at 1 am with blood shot eyes as I type up yet another paragraph answering "What makes you want to adopt" for our grant applications! :/ )

One more check off the list, one more step closer to Qi Long being in our arms! It's worth every last bit of craziness to get there!

USCIS

Our I-800A packet was mailed off today! So excited to have this next ball rolling!

It's going to be a busy next few weeks, but this is one business matter that I welcome with open arms!!

Here are a couple of pictures that were sent to us by our guide that took us to visit Qi Long for the first time back in December. She was there with another family and she thought enough of us to take a picture and send it to us. I was blown away. What a sweet thing to do!!!














He gives me butterflies!! (Daddy is so ready to dress our boy for himself! haha)

90 Days!

Today, we officially begin our countdown to J's 30th birthday! You don't normally hear of people counting down to a 30th birthday, but for us, being 30 means we are eligible to adopt from China. The exact rule states that both applicants must be 30 years old at the time the Dossier is submitted. So we have been working to get up to that point, so that on April 1, we can have that packet in the mail.

Before April 1, we have 4 parts to complete.

1. Homestudy: We have been working since Oct. 8, on this. Our paperwork was for the most part completed at the end of November, but because of the business of Christmas time, we were not able to meet with the case worker until January 1. Now, that is complete, but we will still be waiting for 2-3 more weeks for that to be finalized.

2. US Dept of Immigration: Once our home study is finalized, we will apply with the USCIS for approval to adopt from our government in America. This approval is generally the last document that you will be waiting on in order to submit the Dossier.

3. Document authentication. All 11 (I think it's 11. Don't quote me on that.) documents that are contained in your Dossier packet must be certified, notarized and authenticated by the US government, and then stamped with a final seal from the Chinese embassy stating that they are true and valid documents. This takes time with lots of back and forth work with important documents usually in D.C. Fortunately, our agency takes care of all of this for us, so it's not necessarily a stress for me, but it does equal time and money.

4. And finally the 4th part is money. We have to submit our agency fee (ours is $6,000, not including the cost for immigration and document authentication, and other fees already paid) in order for them to process our Dossier and get it in the mail for us. So even if the time works out and our packet is ready before April 1, if we don't have that money ready, we will still be waiting.

There are many grants available, but there are a few problems with grants.

1. You have to have a completed Home Study in order to apply for a grant.
2. Most organizations that provide grants only process their applications during specific time frames, for example, once per quarter, and they issue their grants all at once for that time period. The average grant application process takes around 90 days.

SO...I know that is probably a lot of boring information for most of you, but for those of you who are interested about the process, there you go! This is where we are and the goals we have in front of us for the next 90 days. I don't know that I can call them goals because a large percentage of these 4 parts don't actually include our involvement. I guess I should say this is our prayer points for the next 90 days.

Because this is so boring, here is a little thank you for making it to the end!
(Hint: Click Twice)

This was the day that we visited QL at the orphanage.
As he turns around he keeps an eye on his dad back there by the door.
What we would give to know what was going through is little mind that day!

I KNOW, RIGHT?!

In the meantime, if you have any ground shaking fundraising ideas, please share! We would love to hear about ideas that have worked well for you, or an idea that you would be interested in participating in! Click here to see our Puzzle Fundraiser!