This is the Day!!!

Today is the day!!!!

We are leaving our hotel in about an hour and a half to go to the Civil Affairs office where we will meet QiLong. We won't be the only family there and it most likely will be a pretty long afternoon.

Really, we have no idea what to expect. 

How are we feeling?

I don't know!!! Ha! 

Every feeling imaginable?

Our journey this far has not been seamless, but it has been BLESSED!!! We have been attacked by the enemy, but our God has been the victor! What Satan has used to try and discourage us, God has used it to bring glory to Himself by answering every one of our prayers against them.

 But what keeps playing over and over in my mind is Ephesians 3:20-21.

"Now to HIM who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to HIM be the glory...throughout all generation, for ever and ever! Amen."

This has been our anthem. We are praying to the God who is able to do more than we could ever ask or imagine. All that we hope and dream for, all that we envision happening on this day, all of the fears, all of the anxieties, all of the unknown and the anticipations...

He is able to do more. More than all of that. And we are praying expectantly that He will.

"In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait
expectantly." Ps. 5:3
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation.
My God will hear me." Micah 7:7 

We are praying for

Grace.

Peace.

Strength.

Energy.

Endurance.

Wisdom.

Clarity.

Calm.

And most of all. We are 

Grateful.

Thank you God for using every moment of our life to prepare us for this.very.moment.

Meanwhile...

Justin is putting jelly on top of his sandwich instead of on the inside...

Let's hope we can calm down after this afternoon is over and get our brains back!! :P 

Stay Tuned!!!!!!

Video Chat

Yesterday was a really hard day for us. But today is a good day. The Father is so faithful to bring joy in the midst of sorrow. Today marks one year since we submitted the application to our agency to begin this process. Today we were able to video chat with our sweet boy and tell him that we would be there with him in just 11 short days. As we sat in the airport, still grieving the goodbyes we said the day before, we experienced such a joyful moment as a family.

 We learned that he likes to eat milk, bread, pizza and hamburgers. He doesn't really like rice and dumplings (Ha!! If that's true, then he was truly made for our family!!)

Waiting for the Lord...Part 2

So this is the "...to be continued..." post from the other day. Click here if you want to read post 1. My focus for the last week or so has been a very familiar verse. One that I have always looked to for encouragement and the strength to endure.

 But this time, when I looked to this verse, I found myself feeling much less than. And I wanted to know why. So, I asked God to show me. In the last post, I wrote about how he lead me to Hebrews 12:1-3 and that I needed to make sure that my eyes were focused on the right thing.

That's easy enough to say, but how do I do that? I can fix my eyes on Jesus in the midst of my quiet time, but just being honest here, that's if I get that far. Some days even that is such a struggle. But how can I make sure that my eyesight remains fixed on Him throughout my day, and ultimately, throughout my very uncomfortable waiting period?

Although it isn't always the case, sometimes God, in his mercy, gives us the step by step instructions that we so desperately need.

1. We are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. At the moment, I live on the other side of the world, in a very small town, 3 hours away from an airport and with only 1 restaurant that has something that resembles chicken strips and french fries. Currently, my husband, my two boys and myself are the only foreigners in town. If anyone is tempted to say, "Where is my cloud of witnesses?" I'd call dibs. But, the truth is that the love and unity from the Body of Christ, provided by the Holy Spirit, crosses oceans and the beautiful mess called the Internet makes almost anything possible. Wherever I am, whatever season of life I am in, whether I am in church or not, I have access to the body of believers. There are people that have gone before me, that have walked the roads I am now walking, and though the situations may not be identical, there is wisdom found in reaching out to others. 

Step 1: Ask for prayer. Don't be too proud to let others know that I am struggling. Seek out people that I can trust. People that have shown me their reliability in the past. Don't keep going back to people that make me feel unworthy. But also, don't take away someone else's opportunity to minister to me and to see God answer prayers in their own walk of faith, because I am too prideful to ask for prayer.

2. Throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  Like many verses in the Bible, I've read this part many times. However, I have this uncanny ability to only want to focus on the parts that give me warm fuzzy feelings inside. Right?

As I meditated on this segment, I began to see sin in my life that was completely holding me captive. Things that weren't bad from the outside, but that were eating me away from the inside.

 Let's just get real here. 

Eating anything that I can get my hands on. At midnight. 

Scrolling through Facebook and reading the same posts for the 10th time because it's the middle of the night back home and no one is awake. Those aren't my kids screaming at each other in the other room. I need to click refresh one more time, just in case there is something new. 

Staying up way too late, because that's when people back home actually ARE awake. 

Constantly comparing my journey with someone else's journey. 

Getting frustrated when someone else advances to their next step...when it's THEIR TURN and it's due time!! 

Surely I can't be the only one? Maybe I am the only one, and if so, then the 2 people that are reading this can totally judge me. 

It's ok. I deserve it.

Um, Netflix. (I didn't really just say that, did I?) 

Basically, doing anything and everything to ease the monotony of waiting, but nothing of value.

This isn't an easy part. These are all things that make me feel better, so I think. But all of these things are simply a distraction. An attempt to fill my longings with something other than Jesus. 

In the end, He is the ONLY thing that satisfies. He is my portion. 

Step 2: Be humble enough to ask God to show me what is standing in my way of letting him renew my strength. And when he reveals it, THROW.IT.OFF. Like a sweatshirt that I put on that fall morning when it was 60 degrees, but now at noon it's 90 degrees again. THROW.IT.OFF. Like a cockroach that just landed on my arm when you opened the cabinet.
THROW.IT.OFF. Like the sin that it is, that trips me up, entangles me, traps me, and causes me to miss out on seeing God in my circumstance.

Ok, you get the picture.

*Please note: I am not saying that my sin is what is causing me to still wait. I am saying that my sin is what is getting in the way of feeling my strength being renewed. Instead, it leads me to feeling like my strength is being zapped, because my eyes are not fixed on the Lord.

3. Run with perseverance the race marked out for me. Do something. Pretty simple. God has plans for me. He has a schedule for me everyday. He has an itinerary for me. And it's exciting. But I have to show up. I have to put on a bra and get out the door. Brushing my teeth is greatly preferred, but really it's not a necessity. Not like a bra.

I have to make that phone call. I have to invite those friends over. I have to go the extra mile. 

Get out of my comfort zone. Live life. Walk humbly with my God.

But I'm already so busy! Re-evaluate what I'm busy with. Does it have eternal value? Is there anything I can set aside for now to make room for something God is really asking me to do?

Step 3: Ask God to show me a direction, and then walk in it. No, run in it. It takes perseverance. But He has already set out the path for me. I just have to open my eyes to see it. Sometimes, all it takes is getting out the door, and He will show me! There are encounters to be had, people that need and want to hear what I have to say, prayers that need to be prayed, and necks that need to be hugged. This world is not lacking in need and most of the time it's harder to avoid the need than it is to do something about. I can speak that from experience. Avoidance is a tricky dance that strips me of every ounce of energy I have. Embrace the call God has on my life. Stop pushing him away.

It's a beautiful place inside the center of His will. 

Step 4: Remember that Jesus is the author and perfecter of my faith and it is his JOY. He is the one that wrote the story of my faith and He is the one that is continually fine tuning it and molding me into what He wants me to be. I am responsible for my actions and my choices, but God has written the story of my faith. Remember that. Marvel at Him. And trust Him with it. And feel the freedom of it. 

Step 5: Consider Him who endured such opposition...so that we do not grow weary and lose heart. I can always do myself some good when I take my attention and focus off of myself and look outward. Instantaneously, I am met with people and stories that have far greater trials than I could ever imagine. But no story outweighs the one of my Lord and Savior. The one who was kissed by his betrayer, abandoned by His closest friends who swore they would never leave him, mocked, beaten and killed, paying the price of sin for the arrogant people who hung him on that cross. The arrogant people like me. When I place myself in the correct posture of a crooked sinner in front of a Holy God, then and only then can I fix my eyes on Him and allow Him to renew my strength.

After breaking apart this scripture and let it turn me upside down, I went back to the original source of discomfort. Isaiah 40:31. I looked up some key words in the handy dandy interlinear app on Biblehub.com.

Those who WAIT on the Lord. To wait: to trust, hope, expect, look for, endure, remain. The root word in Hebrew refers to a twisting and stretching, the tension of enduring. It also means to be strong, as in a strand of rope. 

***Don't forget that a strand of rope is made up of several smaller strands. The more strands, the stronger the rope. Don't take my community for granted. Remember, reach out to others. We are made to walk this life in fellowship. Don't ever forget that.***

Will renew their strength. Renew: to change for the better. With all of that twisting and stretching caused by enduring as we wait, hope, trust and look for the Lord, we are bound to be changed. It's our choice if we are changed for the better or for the worse. Fix your eyes on Him. Remain in Him. Abide.

They will soar on wings like eagles. Think of a beautiful, graceful eagle that soars through the air, effortlessly. He doesn't flap his wings hysterically trying to keep himself up. He finds the thermal current of air and uses that to hold him up so that he can glide to the next thermal current. God holds me up during the entire flight of my life. I don't ever have to frantically flap my wings. I do have to do the things He asks me to, but all the while He is the wind beneath my wings. 

(You're singing it now, aren't you. You're welcome.)

I don't know if this is helpful to anyone else out there. I hope so. But if not, this is here as a reminder to me as I dive headfirst into my next waiting period. Our next step is to apply with the United States department of citizenship and immigration to grant a visa for Silas as our adopted son. This can take anywhere from 2 weeks to a month or more. We received confirmation today that they have received our application and now we wait. This is one of the last and final BIG steps we have to take. And the outcome of this approval will dictate when we travel. So the temptation for me to fall apart at any moment during the next few weeks is strong, but I will keep these scripture nearby this time and I will remember what the Lord has taught me. Because I know that perseverance produces character, and character leads to hope and that hope does not disappoint. (Rm. 5) And I also know that my strength is being renewed, changed for the better, as I walk through each door of this process!

A couple of prayer points:

1. We would love to have USCIS approval by or around August 1. This would keep us inline with our goal of being able to come home in September. 

2. There are some variables in this step because we live overseas. There is a potential hold up as they might request more clarification, which will increase our time and so we are praying that, if necessary, this will be a quick hold up, or not a hold up at all.

If you are still reading this, first of all, you are an amazing friend. Really. And second of all, I know that there are people out there... strangers, very close friends and family that are waiting. Some of you are waiting for very big things. Life changing things. Things that, until you receive that which you are waiting for, you feel broken and confused and forgotten, even. I know that my waiting may not be equal to yours. I know that my situation probably seems like a walk in the park next to yours. I get that. I have been there when my world fell apart and it seemed like everyone around me was complaining about something petty. I'm promise that you are NOT forgotten. I see you and I remember you in my prayers constantly. If I don't know your situation and you would like someone to pray for you, please contact me. Reach out to someone who can walk this journey with you. If not me, then find someone. I love each and every one of you. And God does too, even if you don't feel it right now. He does.

Waiting for the Lord...Part 1

I have been chewing on this verse for a few days. Read my last post to see visuals about my feelings. 

I have been walking a journey of daily scripture writing. (Click here if you want to join me!) This month all of the verses just happen to be about patience and perseverance. Hmm. (God's pretty cool like that.) I love writing the verses because I notice things that I normally wouldn't. Especially in familiar verses like this one.

"But those that wait on the Lord will renew their strength."

This part caught me. During the 39 days while we waited on our approval, I haven't felt my strength necessarily being "renewed." I feel stressed, I feel panicked, I feel overwhelmed and emotional. I feel like I'm grasping for control but every ounce of control is just out of reach. I feel bombarded with the what ifs and the "if, thens." Renewed strength? No. Zapped strength...yes. I know that everything happens in the Lord's timing. I fully trust in his sovereignty and in his decision of what is best for my family. While I don't always like it, I trust Him. Fully. He has never led me astray. But I can't say that it's easy. And for some reason, this picture of waiting on the Lord renewing my strength isn't what I am experiencing. And then I add in the rest of the verse. "...They will soar on wings of eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." Like I said earlier, I'm a hot mess compared to that soaring eagle, and I'm weary. I'm faint. What am I doing wrong? 

A couple of days later the verse was Hebrews 12:1-3. One of my very, very favorite verses. 

"...fixing our eyes on Jesus..."

Really, that's all I need to say. There was my answer. This was why I was feeling so defeated. 

My eyes were not on Jesus. 

My eyes were on WHAT I was waiting for. My eyes were on the PEOPLE that I was waiting on. My eyes were on how much I needed to get to the next step. My eyes were on the people around me, comparing my journey with theirs. My eyes were on everything surrounding me that seemed so big, instead of being on the One who is bigger than all of that!

I was reminded of a verse I had written at the beginning of the month. Psalm 130:5-6. 

More than the watchmen wait for the morning. Let that sink in.

I'm waiting on the Lord.

I'm not waiting on an approval, I'm not waiting on other people to give us approval.

I'm simply waiting for the Lord. 

"...Fixing our eyes on Jesus..."

We oftentimes want a formula. In a world of checklists and youtube videos of step by step instructions, we read God's word and see many things we should be doing, but we don't know how. Where are the step by step instructions.

Sometimes, the only "formula" is simply to abide. When we abide in Christ, our eyes will naturally be fixated on Him. 

Apart from Him, I can do nothing.

What are you waiting on today?

No...whatever just popped into your head...That's not it.

You are waiting on the Lord. Look at Him!

Click here for the rest of the story...Sometimes, God does give us step by step instructions! 

Approved!

Such a refreshing verse. Right? Such an encouragement when times are tough.

Just what we need when the wait seems like it will never end.

The words of Isaiah that offer such a beautiful picture of the support we have from our Father.

Cue the pretty piano music...

Normally, yes. Absolutely.

But lately, I have to be honest. Not so much.

Lately, I don't feel like that beautiful eagle, soaring with such beauty and grace. 

I feel a little more like this...

This beautiful thing called the adoption process, much like many other processes in life, most of the time feels like you are flapping your wings as hard as you possibly can while going absolutely no where.

But that's not true. Because then there is that one day that finally comes. The day that you have been agonizingly waiting for. When you finally see the email in your inbox that you have been refreshing over and over and over for the past 8 hours. You have reached the next step!! Yay!! Let's celebrate!!!

For 5 minutes.

And then your mind almost immediately jumps into thinking about what's next? 

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Why? 

Why does it have to be this way? Why can't I enjoy the good moments? The HUGE moments!

It's hard. There are still so many more steps, so many people to rely on before we can get to our boy. But while there is still so much to do, we have come SO far. And really, we are almost there!! And for now, I am choosing to celebrate. Because God has done great things!!

We are so excited to announce that today, we received the official letter of approval (LOA) from China saying that we can adopt our sweet Silas!!

Thank you Father!!

Click here to see Post 1 and Post 2 of what the Lord has been teaching me about waiting.

Humbled and Grateful

Just an update for our family's sake and anyone who is actually interested in the process that wants to read our journey, give some details about what it looked like to get here.

We began this journey, as most families do, with a timeline in front of them and high hopes that ours would actually be smooth, unlike most other families that seem to hit huge bumps in the road. HA. First mistake. Actually, we knew that obstacles and hurdles were going to come up, and we have had our bumps. Our wiggle room is getting smaller and our next steps are feeling farther and farther away. We spent the majority of the month of March feverishly applying for grants. We applied for a total of 10 grants. To the unsuspecting eye, that may not seem like a big deal. It's just an application. In one sense, yes, that is true. But the truth is, these applications are almost just as involved, if not more on some levels, as the initial application to begin the adoption process. And while each organization asks the same general questions about finances, testimony, calling, parenting and lifestyle, the questions are worded just differently enough that you have to write your answers differently for each one. While we did copy and paste a lot, it was still a difficult task. But we got them done. We had to step out of our comfort zones and ask for even more references, often having to burden the same people again and again to fill out a reference form. Oh and it needs to be turned in like now. :/ But fortunately, we have some great friends and leaders who went above and beyond to help us out.

The next task was fundraising. The month of April we poured ourselves out completely asking anyone and everyone that we knew and even those that we didn't know if they would be willing to donate an item or service to an online auction that we were hosting. It was a TON of work, but in the end we ended up collecting over 100 items and we were able to raise about $3,500. We also sold T-shirts, which astonishingly brought in almost $900. We are overwhelmed at the generosity of friends and complete strangers!! During this time of fundraising, I think we pushed half of our Facebook followers away and I'm sure we were deleted several times. But that's ok. We also saw God provide in really big ways through people that we didn't even expect and we are so incredibly thankful!

When we started the process, we really didn't think that we would be able to fund raise money successfully. First of all, we lived overseas and so "traditional" fundraisers were obviously out of the question. And second of all, we have spent the last 3 years raising money for ministry and our circle of influence are already so incredibly generous to give to what we do. But we did fundraise and were pleasantly surprised with the success. We could not have done it without the help of our friends and family, mainly our brother and sister in law, who were themselves in the process of adopting. The biggest fee that we have had to date was certainly our agency fee of $6,000, which had to be paid before our agency would begin work on compiling our Dossier packet. This seemed almost insurmountable to us, but through our fundraising efforts, very generous donations, personal savings and an organization that awarded us a $1,000 grant, we will be able to turn that in within the next week! (During our fundraising, we also received our USCIS approval, which was so exciting!!)

The next financial hurdle is a fee of $3,100 that covers the document preparation, registration and authentication. This amount had to be turned in before our agency could actually send the paperwork to China. We had been hoping that this was an amount that they could bill to our family, as they had several fees in the past. But we found out that it in fact had to be paid before they could mail the papers. This is honestly disheartening for us. We have worked so hard for two solid months, and we are flat worn out on fund raising. We know that God is the only one that can make this happen, because He is the only one that has made any of it happen so far. And deep down we know we can trust in His timing, whatever that might be. But if we are honest, we are discouraged because we feel like this just meant more waiting. More time before we could be with our son and he could be with us. We want so badly to be able to send him a message and say Mommy and Daddy are coming! But from where we were standing, already more than a month behind our timeline goal, we just know that we have to surrender our desires to God's sovereignty. We have sent out one last plea to our friends and family, and put on our best face. We are choosing to keep the faith. We still have a couple of weeks. And we know from experience that a lot can happen in a couple of weeks!

One Less

Gotcha Day. It's such a weird word for me. It doesn't settle right for some reason, but it's the word that we use. That day when all of your waiting and all of the paperwork and all of the mystery comes together and you get to meet your child and he or she officially becomes a member of your family, even though their picture has been plastered all over your house for months now. But now, it's official. On paper, not only with your signature, but with your thumbprints too. It's a big deal.

There is not a single time that I look at pictures of Gotcha days that I don't wipe away tears. Today was one of those days. I am sitting in the living room of a friends apartment, literally just a few meters away from a family that welcomed a precious little girl into their family today. I'm looking at her pictures on Facebook and just praising the Lord through tears of gratitude.

One less.

It's so easy during this process to get caught up in the paper chase, the money, the waiting, the uncertainties, and the insecurities. All of that is necessary, but all of that aside, this is what it's about. One less child spending another day without a family. One less child who will never know the love of a mother. One less human being who doesn't understand what it feels like to belong to something, to be loved or to be wanted.

One less. Hallelujah, today, there is one less orphan.

Happy Birthday!

We always try to live our life being joyful in the present. No matter the situation, our family verse is “Be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances.” 1 Thes. 5:16-18. But for today, let me just say that we are ready for next year. Normally birthdays are fun and exciting times. We love birthdays around here. We love cake, we love doing special things for the birthday boy or girl and we love celebrating together the good things that God has done for us. But this year, birthdays, especially these two, are so much more difficult than what is on the surface.

Justin’s 30th birthday is Friday. We have prayed so hard that we will be able to send in our Dossier on his birthday. We were worried that we were going to be sitting around just waiting for his birthday to come around so that we could officially meet all of the requirements to adopt from China. But we haven’t been sitting around. We have been working day and literally all night, praying, applying for grants and doing what we need to do to push this paperwork along. Unfortunately, our Dossier won’t be ready to send Friday. And that makes us very sad. A day that we anticipated would allow us to rejoice, is actually breaking our hearts. But as we have learned so well in the past, if your heart is never broken, joy wouldn’t taste as sweet. There is so much to be thankful for. Most importantly, we know that Qi Long is well cared for. He is surrounded by friends and caregivers that, it seems like, genuinely care for him. The orphanage director has gone out of her way to serve our family by communicating with us. That is a priceless blessing that we are beyond grateful to know, as so many people don’t have that privilege. 

When we began this journey, we put everything about this process at the feet of Jesus and asked him to lead and guide us. While a man plans his way, the Lord determines his steps. We know the direction we want to go and we know the things we need to do, and the rest is up to Him.

Qi Long’s birthday was on March 15. He turned 6 years old. You know how hard it is to watch your kids grow up? It’s really hard when you are watching him grow up and you haven’t been there for any of his birthdays. When you realize that he has had 6 birthdays now, without a mom and a dad to love on him and tell him how special he is and do something special JUST for him, it is a brand new level of sadness.

But once again, there is still room to rejoice. Hallelujah that the story doesn’t end there. There is such good news. Just like Jesus didn’t leave us in our lostness, God has not left Qi Long in his lonliness. God’s promise to Qi Long is being fulfilled even as I type this message. “I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you,” Jn. 14:18. This verse is a beautiful promise that many claim for the orphans of the world, who desperately need forever families. But in reality, it is a promise to every believer, who sometimes looks up at the sky wondering if Jesus is ever really going to come back. He promised, friends. And even though we may not see what’s going on behind the scenes, much like Qi Long can’t see how hard we are working to bring him home, Christ is working on our behalf to bring us home; to redeem us. To bind up our broken hearts, to give us freedom, to bestow on us a crown of beauty instead of ashes and a garment of praise instead of despair, to plant us as oaks of righteousness for the display of HIS splendor! (Is. 61) By God’s grace, this will be the last birthday that Qi Long will spend without a family. And only by His grace. And when it is time, when all of the details that we don’t know about come together and fall into place, in His perfect timing, He will come back for us and he will bring us all home. Amen!

Happy Birthday Justin and Qi Long! Lord willing, next year, we will all celebrate together! And oh what a celebration it will be!  

Looks like he enjoyed his cake!

We were allowed to send him a birthday cake and he was able to have a birthday party with his friends. We also sent him a video of our family singing to him and he was able to watch that on his birthday while he was at the doctor. We pray for God to prepare his precious little heart to be with us, and our hearts too.

Mountains and Valleys

Mountains and valleys are both beautiful places.

On the mountaintop you can see what seems like the whole world laid out before you and the possibilities are endless. If you are on a mountaintop, you most likely have just climbed that mountain and the adrenaline is making you feel like you can conquer anything that comes your way. Nothing can shake you. The sun is shining on your face and for a moment you can almost reach out and touch heaven. Nothing is impossible on a mountaintop.

In a valley, however, you have a very limited view. You can only see the mountain in front of you and without the right perspective, it can feel isolated in a valley. When the sun goes down behind a mountain, it gets cold in a valley. And you might even begin to wonder and hope for what lies over that mountain in front of you. 

But if you take a step back, you will see the beauty, the awe and the grandeur of that mountain. You will feel how small you are against a mighty Creator and find yourself in the perfect place of humility to truly receive His grace and joy. With the right perspective.

We are blessed to live in a place where we get to experience these differences between mountains and valleys in a very real way. And it brings new insight to the circumstances in our lives that we classify as mountain or valley circumstances. I am reminded of the familiar passage in Ps. 23 where David sings to us about our Shepherd who makes us lay down in green pastures and leads us beside still waters. That sounds so peaceful and refreshing, right? But let's think about it. We often separate the part of this same passage that talks about walking through the valley of death from this first part of peaceful still waters and green pastures. But it's actually the same place. You will never find still waters on a mountaintop. Water on a mountain will always be moving. Will you find green pastures on a mountaintop? This beautiful place with green pastures and still waters that refreshes our souls, is in the valley of death!

Perspective.

When we began this process, we hit the ground running. We received our home study packet on Oct. 8 and we got to work, sending in paperwork the very next day. By November 24, we had all of our paperwork turned in, minus our health checks and we had approval to wait for a little while to do those so they didn't expire. We were feeling really good about things and even though we have to wait until Justin's 30th birthday on April 1 to turn in our paperwork to China, we knew we needed that extra time to apply for grants and get our account with the adoption agency in good standing before we can submit those papers anyway. We had heard of so many people with so many bumps in the road in a never-ending paper chase, but we had also heard of people that just zipped and flew right through the process with little to no snags at all. We were really praying for the second option. 

But once we turned the paperwork in, the waiting started. The first wait was really out of anyone's control because it was the holidays and things slow down drastically around the holidays anyway. Our sweet case worker actually traveled to our house on New Years Day and did our home study in two days. But then somewhere between the time of her sending in her first draft and today, time seemed to stop. We have been waiting for a long time to see a final copy of our home study, and our case worker has been emailing every day trying to find out why it has taken so long. And we are excited to say that the final hard copy was placed in the mail yesterday and should be on it's way to the next step very soon.

Before I go further I want to say that things could be WAY worse. The other day we read about a lady whose paperwork had been destroyed in the mail. Like completely destroyed, illegible, couldn't even tell which document was which. It could be way worse. And we still have many opportunities for it to get worse. So I am very grateful. But still a little frustrated.

We are still waiting to actually receive a copy of the home study in our inbox, so that we can begin applying for grants. We received our next bill last week and we need to have $9,000 in about one month, so that we can hopefully meet our goal of sending our papers off around April 1, so we don't have to make this sweet little boy wait any longer than he has to. We are ready for him to come home!! Most grant agencies take longer than that to process applications, with many of them only awarding grants every quarter. So we are praying hard for God to lead us to the exact grants that He wants us to apply for. If you would like to donate to our adoption fund, you can click  HERE  to find out how. Please pray with us for these next few steps.

1. Mailing application for US Immigration approval for us to adopt.

2. Fingerprint appointment at US Consulate.

3. $6,000 due to continue to the next step of compiling our Dossier documents.

4. $3,100 due to authenticate and process those documents and send them to China.

In all of this, we are praying for the grace to see the beauty in the valleys of life and allow our Shepherd to refresh our souls in the way that only He can. Thank you Lord for still waters.

70 days!

We have 70 days to go until April 1, when we will hopefully be submitting our Dossier to China!! 

Please pray with us as we wait for Father to provide the finances needed for that next big step in the process. 

In the meantime, here are some pictures we received a couple of weeks ago. Wednesday, January 13, to be exact. We had woken up feeling pretty chilly and aggravated because our power had been off since dinner the night before and it was still not back on when we got up. But as I was checking my messages on my phone, it started to ding. A lot. And as I looked, my frustration melted away with the joy I saw on this little face.

Joy is what we have been praying for him. We sent a package to him and in it we included a hat for him and all of his friends in his class. I was in bed cuddling with all of my boys and we were able to look at these pictures together and pray that we are already making a difference in Qi Long's life.

We also sent a picture album that contained a few pictures of our family, including all 4 of us wearing a hat like we sent and a note and a few other things for him in the package. We don't know if they gave it to him. We don't know if they even told him that the hats were from us, but either way, he knows that someone cares for him enough to let him have a new hat and for that we are thankful. We can't wait until we get to snuggle him up in the bed with us.

Just 70 days until we are one giant step closer to that day!

Thank you for your love, support and prayers!

Blessings of the Internet

The internet is notorious for being a dangerous place. It is full of lies and deception and downright evil. But in some cases, it is also a place where hope and joy can be found. We had one of those days last week.

We are members of a Facebook group for families that have adopted or are in the process of adopting from Qi Long's specific orphanage. We are newer members to the group so as we were scrolling through the posts and reading threads from the past, we noticed a picture of a boy that was sitting in a classroom that looked just like Qi Long's class. Through more investigating (aka stalking), we found out that it was his classroom and that the little boy is being adopted by a family that lives about 2 hours or so from our hometown. I was so excited and immediately emailed her and started a connection there.

This is probably our favorite. Why?
He is eating a cookie. From Subway.
A chocolate cookie!!

As we kept scrolling down, we just started looking for pictures that might have some clue about our son. We hadn't even thought about searching for pictures of him, but we were in all out bloodhound mode at this point. We ended up finding him in a video of a little girl's birthday party, and we hit the jackpot and found a website that hosted volunteers at this orphanage and he was in several of their pictures. We were able to find pictures all the way back to 2013.

 As we got to the bottom of the page, and refreshed our Facebook feed, there was a new post by a family that was currently in China and had just met her son that day. We found a video on her facebook page from a few months ago and lo and behold, those big brown eyes were looking back at us, sitting right beside his friend in the video. So, we were also able to connect with her. She even took a couple of pictures for us when she went to visit the orphanage with her little boy.

It is so exciting to see two of his friends going to families. And both of them are very close to our hometown and we are hoping to be able to get together in the future. I hope that will be a priceless gift to be able to give to these boys, continued contact with the friends, really the brothers, that they have grown up with.

And that's not all!! Almost a month ago, we had found a guy that has devoted himself to collecting old newspapers from China. This might not seem like a big deal to most, but to adoptive families, it can be the only link they have to their child's past. In China, when a baby is found abandoned, they are required by law to post a finding ad, describing where and when they were found and any other information they can give. This ad must run in the paper for several months before they are officially considered "abandoned." This man was able to find Qi Long's finding ad and he sent us the picture of it on Monday. So now we have a picture of his precious little baby face. It's a huge piece of his puzzle, and something that I will treasure.

Qi Long at about 5 months old

This is such a hard thing to process. As I look at this picture, it's so hard for me to fathom what the situation could have been for a mama to let go of this face. My heart crumbles when I think about it. So many questions, so few answers. All I know is that, whatever the reason, I can only trust that the Father has only good planned for Qi Long and for his Birth Mommy, and for us. I am so thankful to her for giving him the gift of life, and I hope that I can honor her in the way that I raise him.

Today, I am thankful for the internet. And I am not ashamed to be a stalker! :P

This is Christmas...

My heart always feels like it is going to explode during Christmas-week every year. Like, literally explode. The week leading up to Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning is always so full of excitement and love in my family that I just want to cry. I love the anticipation of it all. Especially having been overseas for the last 3 Christmases, we have learned to experience, to DO, and to feel Christmas in such a different way. And my heart overflows.

Christmas Eve is my FAVORITE night of the year. But this year, I can't even wait until Christmas Eve to talk about it. As I sit here in the quiet and watch the twinkle of the lights on the tree, I just want to cry tears of joy. Every year, Christmas does this to me, but this year, it's even more. This year has rocked our world, in an unbelievable way.


Because this year, I look up from the tree and look at the family pictures that are hanging on the wall. And in addition to the most precious faces in my life, this year we have a new face. One that shakes me to my core. And the amount of joy and love I feel over a child that I don't know ONLY comes from a God who says THIS is what it's about. This is my joy being made complete in you. I never thought that my heart could love even more than it already does. I have two of the most amazing little boys that a mom could ask for and a husband that, hands down, is better than yours. Just kidding. (But not really.) And the very depths of my heart are beyond grateful. But I sit here amazed at the expansion of my heart and whisper prayers of gratefulness all over again. Grateful for His grace in my life to get me this far. Grateful for the blessings He gives. Grateful that he would choose me, a most unworthy recipient of His love.

I didn't write the following, but I stumbled upon it the other day on Facebook and I bookmarked it because for the first time, the words I was reading made my feelings make sense. I wanted to share that with you today. I hope it blesses you as much as it has me. You can see the original post by Jason Johnson here.

Christmas is the story of a good Father going to extravagant lengths in order to adopt those who have been separated from Him.

It is the celebration of God seeing the plight of His people and responding with the greatest gift of love this world has ever known - Himself. Not merely for us or near us in theory, God now put on flesh and became one of us in humanity - entering the darkness and brokenness of our story to bring us a brighter and better one in Him.

GOD WITH US  In what we now know as the Christmas story, scripture consistently speaks of the incarnation, the act of God wrapping Himself in the flesh of an infant child, in beautifully vivid and forever-altering terms. The apostle Paul, in Galatians chapter 4, writes: "When the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons." 

At a predetermined, specific moment throughout all the course of human history, [before even] ("...when the fullness of time had come"), God looked down on the plight of His people and decided right then, at that very instance, He would step out of His glory and enter into the brokenness of our humanity. He would not strut into this world on a throne but would crawl into it through a manger, being born in humility, in poverty, and in relative obscurity so that He might bring fullness to the empty and belonging to the lonely (...God sent forth his Son")

The significance of His name, Emmanuel, meaning God is with us, could not be overstated. God is not somewhere. God is not over there. God is not out there. God is here, with us, among us, one of us. He is in our story. He has seen us in the plight of our brokenness and met us exactly where we were, placing Himself beneath the rule of judgment over us in order to rescue and redeem us out from under it ("...born under the law...to redeem those under the law") God is with us. Nothing will ever be the same.

TO MAKE US HIS OWN  The intended outcome of Christmas was clear - for God to bring into His family those who had been tragically orphaned from Him (...that we might receive adoption). No longer isolated. No longer orphaned. Now adopted as dearly loved sons and daughters.

At Christmas we remember the lengths God has gone to call us His own. He has not loved us from a distance, but has thrust Himself fully into the brokenness of our story to bring us securely into His forever family. He interceded on our behalf, at just the right time, to make us His own. In the gospel God says, "I see you where you are and I'm coming after you!" This is Christmas - the crescendo of that emphatic declaration.

ADOPTION: AN ECHO OF THE CHRISTMAS STORY The gospel of our adoption, making its vivid debut that night in Bethlehem, acts not only as the emphasis behind why but also the model of how we as those adopted into the forever family of God are called to forever give our families to those who need them. Christmas is ultimately the story of God stepping into our darkness in order to bring light into it. It, above any and all other motivations, compels us to do the same on behalf of the vulnerable, marginalized and orphaned in this world. It is impossible for us to truly celebrate Christmas without considering both its implications for us and its expectations on us - to do for them exactly what God has done for us through Jesus.

In light of the gospel and the story of Christmas we can no longer remain on the peripherals of the plight of others, but must, at just the right time, meet them where they are by interceding on their behalf. Their brokenness no longer just theirs, but also now ours. An old story forever being rewritten by a new one. A better one. A brighter one. Together.

Adoption begins with our willingness to step foot into darkness, not merely to pull a child out of it but to bring light into it. This is exactly what Jesus did for us and what we are therefore compelled to do for them. We do not strut into their stories with a cape on our back but crawl into them with the Cross on our shoulders. We are not the rescuers, but the rescued. We are not the heroes, but on every occasion seek to point to Him who is. Our Hero has come. Emmanuel. God is with us. Nothing will ever be the same.

In the end, the echoes of Christmas in adoption beautifully reverberate in forever-altering terms. A taking on of one story and writing a new one. A better one. Together.

Nothing will ever be the same.

This. Is. Christmas.

I hope you all have a very, very Merry Christmas. Please take some time to simply be still and allow the joy and truth of the Christmas story soak into your spirit. You won't regret it.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow our lives are going to change. This whole process has already been a huge roller coaster. Our lives have been changing dramatically over the course of the last 3 months. But the change has been more subtle, almost other-worldly. But tomorrow, we will come face to face with a little boy who most likely doesn't even know we exist as he lays his head down. We will be able to see how he smiles, how he laughs (hopefully), some of his likes and dislikes, hear his voice and we have no idea what to expect.

I had to grasp to hold myself together tonight as we were buying a frisbee to take with us to play with. He most likely has never seen a frisbee. Frisbee is one of our family things. Justin and I began our relationship by playing frisbee together and it was our favorite activity to do together during our first year of marriage. (We had the coolest frisbee that lit up and we would go to the park at night and play. Yeah ok, we are dorks. End side note.) Anyway, the thought of us getting to teach him how to play frisbee and to join him in on one of our family favorites gave me the cries. Hopefully, we don't hit him in the forehead on the first throw and completely ruin every here-after experience with a frisbee for him.

Jokes all aside, this is a big day. For all of us. We aren't sure what he knows and we trust and respect whatever the orphanage sees best for him in that area. We are completely fine being a couple of really nice people that want to come play for a while. But either way, we are praying that Father will cover our entire 1-2 hours with him with complete peace that passes all understanding, for every one involved. Please help us pray over these specific points today:

*I have been feeling pretty under the weather since last night. Pray that I will wake up refreshed and that I won't be battling with snot all morning tomorrow.
*Pray for language. He most likely has been raised speaking Cantonese, and we speak Mandarin. He has just now started school though, so there is a chance that because Mandarin is the official language of China that maybe he will understand some and we will be able to communicate with him.
*Pray for relationships and bonds to be formed immediately and that the threads that God has already begun weaving will continue to multiply into a beautiful tapestry of family.
*Pray for permission to come back again. The orphanage required that we have a guide from our agency come with us, and I am thankful that she is coming this time, but we are hoping that we can build a good relationship this time, so that we can come back again without having that expense. But mainly we are asking for permission to return, guide or no guide.
*Pray for our hearts as we have to leave. We have been warned by friends that leaving the kids there is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do and I am preparing myself to be broken. But I am praying that peace will rule and that I will be able to know that he is in good hands. And even if it doesn't appear that way, pray that my heart will have peace in His timing.
*Pray for his heart and mind as he processes whatever happens in his 5 year old world tomorrow.

Thank you all so much! I am so so excited to be able to share this journey with you, finally! Hopefully, I will have pictures to share tomorrow night!

Pre Approved!!

We received our Pre-Approval today!!!!!

We came back home from traveling yesterday and I woke up this morning in my usual post-travel state of exhaustion and didn't want to get out of bed. I opened the computer to check my email expecting there to be nothing there, like there never was, so it seemed. My mood immediately changed to elation when I read the subject line, Pre-Approval! I called Justin and the boys in and they came running and together on our bed this morning we read the words that we have been waiting to hear. He is ours and we are going to fervently pursue bringing him HOME!

And now we can finally share his sweet little face with YOU!!

Chen Qi Long

Birthday: 3/15/2010

I know a mama's heart is always biased, but he just has the sweetest face. We feel like he just looks like he belongs to the R family! :)

A few questions that we have asked ourselves and received encouragement about:

1. What is a PA? This is a statement from the government of China that our family is officially promised to this child and no one else can view his file. In a nutshell, we have 6 months to finish our paperwork and submit our Dossier packet to China and then they will go over our information and issue a formal Letter of Acceptance, and after a little bit more paperwork between the US government and China, we will be given a travel date to go pick him up. 

2. What could happen from now until we pick him up that could change our status with him? Can this PA later on get denied? We asked our case worker these questions and of course there are always things that can happen, and she encouraged us that she had never seen that happen. The only time someone would not receive approval after receiving PA is if they were not telling the truth in their original paperwork. People have stopped the process on their own after receiving a PA, but she said it is very rare for someone to have a disruption for some reason outside of their own control. Basically, she told us to relax. Haha.

3. And our really really big question...Since we live nearby, are we allowed to meet him now? We have submitted a request to go visit him. Our agency frequently works with expats and our case worker says sometimes the orphanage says yes, sometimes they say no. All we can do is try and then wait. We are becoming professional wait-ers. 

I think I'm in.

Today was the day. Sunday. We were headed out to try and get more information in order to make one of the most important decisions we have ever had to make. As we were riding in the taxi on the way, all of us were abnormally quiet. We realized later that we were all just nervous. None of us knew what to expect or what not to expect. We really were just jumping into the wind on this one. Our stomachs were in knots at the possibility of getting to see a little boy that could possibly be in our family. Scared that they would say no, but at the same time, scared that they might say yes. We so desperately wanted to know more about him, yet were so fearful of what we might find out. Could anything change what we were already feeling about this boy? And then here we were, standing on one side of a gate and he was on the other side. We could hear children playing, and we wondered if one of those laughs were from him.

The good news is that we went to the orphanage and we met one of the directors. He was super nice and seemed genuinely willing to help us. But the fact was that he couldn't just let us in. He seemed to know our boy right away when we said his name and he smiled. He said that his caretaker wasn't there that day, because it was the weekend and if we could come back the next day that he could possibly try to help us a little more and we could at least meet her and talk to her. But we weren't able to come back the next day. We had previous engagements that couldn't be changed. He gave us a lady's number and told us to call her and she could maybe help us. We told him thank you for his time and that we hoped to see more of him in the future and he smiled, shook our hands and said "I hope so too."

We spent the next little while walking around outside of the orphanage, praying not only for wisdom, discernment and guidance for our future, but also for Qi Long's future, with or without us, as well as the future of all of the other little boys and girls that live there. We prayed for the caretakers, for the people that give of themselves every day. They pour out their time, their love and their hearts to these kids and provide them with as much as they can give.

As we walked down the hill, Justin and I both looked at each other. He asked me how I was feeling, and I said, "I think I'm in." He said he was too. We looked at Stephen and ask him what he was thinking. And he said, "I'm in, too." We decided right there, standing outside of his orphanage that we were going to take a leap of faith and trust God to do the rest. We prayed and told God that we trusted him with all of our futures and that we trusted Him to close doors that needed to be closed or to open doors that needed to be opened, and to help us to know the difference. And the rest of the afternoon as we walked around the area, we looked at the face of every child we saw, praying that one of them just maybe, might have been his.

So here we are, we still don't know anything more about him, but we know that as far as we are concerned, we are all in.

We Just Have to Try

It's Friday night. We locked in Qi Long's file on Tuesday. (Technically, Monday, but wouldn't you know that our case worker is on vacation this week, so she didn't get the email right away.) She told us to let her know any questions that we had and she would ask the orphanage to clarify and that she would request a video for us. We contacted anyone that we knew that had any kind of connection with a pediatrician. We are recommended to have a pediatrician picked out for this very purpose, so that when you receive a referral and have a time limit, you can quickly get advice. Well, we didn't think we would be on this step yet, so we didn't have a doctor lined up. So we have been grasping for straws. I found out that the pediatrician we have used since Stephen was born is no longer in our hometown. I had to do some stalking, but I finally found him in a far away state and emailed his office trying to get in touch with him. They responded back and said that he was out of town until Monday, but to go ahead and email him and he would get back to us then. Why does everyone have to be on vacation during one of the most important weeks of our lives?! We sent his files to a few other friends, hoping someone would be able to give us some encouragement, one way or the other. And now we wait.

Another thing that drew our attention to this little boy is the fact that he lives fairly close to us, the province next door to be exact. The train ride is only 4 hours to the city where he lives, which is VERY close considering it used to be a 12 hour overnight train ride. Thank you technology for the fast train. I so wish America would make bullet trains across the country! As we have sat at home this week, thinking about him and praying for him, we can't help but think that we are in a place where we could literally just go visit him. Most people don't even have that opportunity simply because they live in America and the child is in China. It's not economically or logistically possible for most. But we are here! We asked our case worker if she thought we could go visit him, and she said she thought that would be wonderful, but she would have to ask the orphanage.

Did I mention the fact that she is on vacation? It's been a few days since we heard from her and we have to make a decision by Tuesday. If you have known Justin and I for any amount of time, you know that we are pretty spontaneous when it comes to travel. (Having small children is trying to cure me of that, but not quite.) We have talked about it all day and we just decided to go buy train tickets tonight and we are going to go tomorrow. We need to do some medical checks anyway, so while we are there, we are going to go to the orphanage and just see what happens. At the end of the day, I can't just sit here being this close and not try. In 4 days, we will make a huge decision for our family and for this little boy and if we have the smallest, slightest possibility of a chance that we could even just catch a glimpse of him, we are going to try.

Justin and I both are very much here and now, follow our hearts personality types. Sometimes, we feel foolish. Sometimes we feel like we live in a completely fictional world where we are almost 30 and we have two kids. We still feel 18 years old most days. But in the end, we know that God gave us our passions for a reason, and we are going to do our best to funnel that passion into things that bring Him glory. And He will have to be the one to slow us down because life is too short to live in a state of should I stay or should I go. Our default will most likely always be to go, to do, to see, to hear, to feel and to try. We have failed an awful lot of times, but we try. And we believe that this little boy is worth it. We don't know what to expect. Most likely nothing will happen. Most likely the orphanage won't let us in and most likely we will come home not feeling much different than we do right now. But we are praying for Father to open doors for us this weekend. We are praying that He will give us some guidance, even if it's in a different way than we are looking for.