This is Christmas...

My heart always feels like it is going to explode during Christmas-week every year. Like, literally explode. The week leading up to Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning is always so full of excitement and love in my family that I just want to cry. I love the anticipation of it all. Especially having been overseas for the last 3 Christmases, we have learned to experience, to DO, and to feel Christmas in such a different way. And my heart overflows.

Christmas Eve is my FAVORITE night of the year. But this year, I can't even wait until Christmas Eve to talk about it. As I sit here in the quiet and watch the twinkle of the lights on the tree, I just want to cry tears of joy. Every year, Christmas does this to me, but this year, it's even more. This year has rocked our world, in an unbelievable way.


Because this year, I look up from the tree and look at the family pictures that are hanging on the wall. And in addition to the most precious faces in my life, this year we have a new face. One that shakes me to my core. And the amount of joy and love I feel over a child that I don't know ONLY comes from a God who says THIS is what it's about. This is my joy being made complete in you. I never thought that my heart could love even more than it already does. I have two of the most amazing little boys that a mom could ask for and a husband that, hands down, is better than yours. Just kidding. (But not really.) And the very depths of my heart are beyond grateful. But I sit here amazed at the expansion of my heart and whisper prayers of gratefulness all over again. Grateful for His grace in my life to get me this far. Grateful for the blessings He gives. Grateful that he would choose me, a most unworthy recipient of His love.

I didn't write the following, but I stumbled upon it the other day on Facebook and I bookmarked it because for the first time, the words I was reading made my feelings make sense. I wanted to share that with you today. I hope it blesses you as much as it has me. You can see the original post by Jason Johnson here.

Christmas is the story of a good Father going to extravagant lengths in order to adopt those who have been separated from Him.

It is the celebration of God seeing the plight of His people and responding with the greatest gift of love this world has ever known - Himself. Not merely for us or near us in theory, God now put on flesh and became one of us in humanity - entering the darkness and brokenness of our story to bring us a brighter and better one in Him.

GOD WITH US  In what we now know as the Christmas story, scripture consistently speaks of the incarnation, the act of God wrapping Himself in the flesh of an infant child, in beautifully vivid and forever-altering terms. The apostle Paul, in Galatians chapter 4, writes: "When the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons." 

At a predetermined, specific moment throughout all the course of human history, [before even] ("...when the fullness of time had come"), God looked down on the plight of His people and decided right then, at that very instance, He would step out of His glory and enter into the brokenness of our humanity. He would not strut into this world on a throne but would crawl into it through a manger, being born in humility, in poverty, and in relative obscurity so that He might bring fullness to the empty and belonging to the lonely (...God sent forth his Son")

The significance of His name, Emmanuel, meaning God is with us, could not be overstated. God is not somewhere. God is not over there. God is not out there. God is here, with us, among us, one of us. He is in our story. He has seen us in the plight of our brokenness and met us exactly where we were, placing Himself beneath the rule of judgment over us in order to rescue and redeem us out from under it ("...born under the law...to redeem those under the law") God is with us. Nothing will ever be the same.

TO MAKE US HIS OWN  The intended outcome of Christmas was clear - for God to bring into His family those who had been tragically orphaned from Him (...that we might receive adoption). No longer isolated. No longer orphaned. Now adopted as dearly loved sons and daughters.

At Christmas we remember the lengths God has gone to call us His own. He has not loved us from a distance, but has thrust Himself fully into the brokenness of our story to bring us securely into His forever family. He interceded on our behalf, at just the right time, to make us His own. In the gospel God says, "I see you where you are and I'm coming after you!" This is Christmas - the crescendo of that emphatic declaration.

ADOPTION: AN ECHO OF THE CHRISTMAS STORY The gospel of our adoption, making its vivid debut that night in Bethlehem, acts not only as the emphasis behind why but also the model of how we as those adopted into the forever family of God are called to forever give our families to those who need them. Christmas is ultimately the story of God stepping into our darkness in order to bring light into it. It, above any and all other motivations, compels us to do the same on behalf of the vulnerable, marginalized and orphaned in this world. It is impossible for us to truly celebrate Christmas without considering both its implications for us and its expectations on us - to do for them exactly what God has done for us through Jesus.

In light of the gospel and the story of Christmas we can no longer remain on the peripherals of the plight of others, but must, at just the right time, meet them where they are by interceding on their behalf. Their brokenness no longer just theirs, but also now ours. An old story forever being rewritten by a new one. A better one. A brighter one. Together.

Adoption begins with our willingness to step foot into darkness, not merely to pull a child out of it but to bring light into it. This is exactly what Jesus did for us and what we are therefore compelled to do for them. We do not strut into their stories with a cape on our back but crawl into them with the Cross on our shoulders. We are not the rescuers, but the rescued. We are not the heroes, but on every occasion seek to point to Him who is. Our Hero has come. Emmanuel. God is with us. Nothing will ever be the same.

In the end, the echoes of Christmas in adoption beautifully reverberate in forever-altering terms. A taking on of one story and writing a new one. A better one. Together.

Nothing will ever be the same.

This. Is. Christmas.

I hope you all have a very, very Merry Christmas. Please take some time to simply be still and allow the joy and truth of the Christmas story soak into your spirit. You won't regret it.

Christmas Giveaway! Closed!

UPDATE!
Our giveaway is now closed. Thank you so much for your support!
We are very appreciative of those who participated!

And the winner is....

Thank you, winner, for your support and we hope you enjoy your new Tablet!

For the rest of you that donated, your name will be put on one of our Puzzle Pieces!
Thank you for being a part of our story!
_________________________________________________________________________________

Christmas is coming up fast! 8 days to be exact!!

Do you know anyone that might want a

Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 (7 inch Tablet)?!

Now is your chance to WIN one!

Not only could you win one for $10, but you will also be helping a BIG cause!!

Your donation will actually help not one, but TWO Robinson families provide a forever home for a child.

You can read more about our brother and sister in law's adoption journey here.

All you have to do is contribute through the Paypal button below.

$10 per entry

$25 for 3 entries

AND after you make a donation, if you share this post with a comment on Facebook,

we will give you an additional entry for FREE!
(Please use the Share feature on my facebook post, so I will see your share)

This give-away will be active for today and tomorrow only!

We will be drawing Friday night at midnight (central time)!

We will shoot a video and post it on our blog to announce the winner.

It will ship from Amazon on Saturday, December 19 and 

should arrive at the address of your choice JUST IN TIME for Christmas.

Thanks in advance for helping us along on our adoption journey and remember to SHARE!

Please click here to view product description.

*All proceeds will be divided between the Justin Robinson and the Jarred Robinson families

and will be used to fund their adoptions from China.

Check out our Puzzle Fundraiser here!

Putting the Puzzle Together

It's fundraising time!! You have seen the pictures of our boy. You have read about our first moments with him. Many of you are cheering us on as we pursue his adoption and we are so thankful! We have a lot of time and paperwork to conquer between now and bringing him home. But one of the biggest hurdles is going to be the finances. We all know adoption is expensive. That is a little bit of an understatement. But it is one of those few things in life that is simply worth it.

So we have a puzzle. It has 500 pieces.

Every person who makes a donation to help bring Qi Long home 

will have their name written on the back of a puzzle piece.

(If you would like to be an anonymous donor, we will write that instead of your name.)

As donations are made and pieces are added, we will put the puzzle together as a family.

When the puzzle is complete, we will hang it in a double sided glass frame.

We can't wait to be able to flip the puzzle over and show Qi Long

how many people care about him and helped bring our family together.

Anytime he questions his self worth, anytime he wonders if anyone really loves him,

anytime he is unsure if God is really there or cares, 

he will be able to read the names, some names he may never know personally,

but he will see them there. And it will be a small piece of reassurance for him.

If you would like to add a piece to our puzzle, please follow the following link. 

You can donate directly to our agency or to us through Paypal. Both methods will help us with the amount to keep our process moving. If you have any questions at all, email us here! And please share with your friends!

Click Here to Donate 

Or Here

We can't wait to show you our completed puzzle! 

One in a million

You know how I said the other day that my world was about to change? Well, it has. In all honesty, I really don't know if I can faithfully put into words what we experienced on Friday. But I will try my best. It will actually be good for me to get it written down. It helps me to process.

So, surprisingly, I wasn't as nervous on the morning of as I thought I would be. We got up and ate our last breakfast at the hotel. I felt a little bit better. My throat wasn't hurting anymore, but the sinus pressure was still there. We held hands and prayed together as a family in our hotel room, asking for grace and peace and to feel better at least for the time there. We checked out, and then our guide was there to pick us up. We chatted a little with her on the way, but it was a quiet ride and my heart was at rest. I honestly think it helped that we had been to the outside of the orphanage before. I recognized where I was and I knew when we were getting close. It's never fun to not know where you are or how much longer it will take to get there or what it will look like once you get there. So I think the absence of those fears alleviated a lot of my anxiety. 

When we arrived, we met one of the directors. She was a young girl who, surprisingly, spoke very good English. She showed us to the playground where she asked us to wait while she went to get our "boy" as they referred to Qi Long throughout the morning. We stood there awkwardly, until I finally saw a little face walking toward us. I recognized him from 20 feet away. I had no idea if he would look anything like the pictures we had seen. You never know if the pictures are old and what kind of things have changed since then. But he looked exactly the same. No, I take that back, he was even cuter. There was a bit of awkward silence when he first got there, and he began to cry. I knelt down and said hello, but it didn't really help at all. He wasn't hysterical or anything, it was just a soft, I have no idea what is going on right now, cry. We had brought some snacks with us per the guides recommendation, and he took the snacks, but it didn't change the fact that he was just uncomfortable. Which is completely understandable. 

 After a few bites of the snack, I tried to ask him what he had been doing in class and he just looked at me. Then I told him that I really liked his shoes. And he looked down at his shoes and looked at me and then began to walk back toward the door where he had come from. The director walked with him and talked to him for a little bit, and they decided to go back inside. We stood there talking with the guide for a little bit. She encouraged us that this was totally normal. It's obviously a hard situation.

Outside of his classroom

So we stood outside for a little bit and the director finally came back out with no little boy. My heart sunk a little bit and I thought for a moment she was going to tell us that it just wasn't going to work out. I asked if maybe they could bring out one of his friends with him and that might help him be more willing to play on the playground with us. But she said that she spoke with the teachers and they thought it might be best if we came to his class and saw him in his environment. Of course! They had originally told us that we couldn't come inside, so I was thrilled to be able to see a little bit more of his life. However, they said we couldn't take pictures inside to respect the privacy of the other children. Maybe we would try to pull him aside later on for some pictures with him.

So we went inside and he was still a little sniffly, but he wasn't crying anymore. The teacher told us it was snack time and asked if we had anything to share. Luckily, we came prepared. I don't know what inspired me to buy so much food, but I just didn't know what to bring, so I bought a lot. We had found some cheese balls at the store and I was excited and bought two bags. So I gave those to them and they opened the bag for Qi Long. That sweet little boy walked around to every kid in his class and served them cheese balls. Then he walked up to Sean and gave him a few, then Stephen, then me and Justin. That was our first successful contact with him and it was on his terms. He cautiously placed a cheese ball in my open hand and for the first time we had eye contact. After another round of serving his friends, he finally ate some himself, the whole time keeping one eye on what he was doing, and one eye on us.                 

The kids each went and got their cups and as the teacher poured them some water, I decided to move in a little. I went and sat down behind him and asked him if he wanted to drink some water. He turned and looked at me and our eyes locked. I could see his wheels turning in his head and I wish I knew what he was thinking. It was almost as if he just wanted to know if I was real, if he could trust me. All I could do was stare back at him and right before his teacher came by to pour his water, I was able to touch the back of his head and say I love you. And then the moment was gone, but as he slowly drank his water, I prayed that he would remember the words. 

At this point, we still didn't know what they had told him. Who were we and why were we here? We had talked to our guide and asked her, but she didn't know. We talked about how we all agreed that maybe it was too early to really talk about us adopting him and that we were just friends that wanted to play with him and his friends. But as I sat down on the floor behind his chair, the teacher got up and said that Qi Long's mom and dad were here and told the children to tell us hello. Justin and I looked at each other and shrugged and thought, Well ok. Here we go! 

The kids sang a couple of songs and did their motions. He kept watching us to see if we were watching him, which of course we were. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. He did so well at his motions and even giggled a little when they all patted their bottoms at one part in the song. (He will fit in well with our boys.) When we first got there, I had asked if I could teach a song, to hopefully break some of the ice. When they got finished with their songs, the teacher announced that I was going to teach a song. So we spent a few minutes working on an old classic, Head Shoulders Knees and Toes. They all did a great job and it was so much fun. Qi Long had been softening up the whole time, but I think this was when his walls came down. He was grinning from ear to ear and he laughed and giggled and jumped and did the motions. Every time we went a little bit faster, he laughed even harder. It was beautiful. I can't wait to hear that laughter in our home. 

Next they got out some music instruments for the kids. Qi Long got two pair of clappers and a little
bit into their first song, he gave one pair to Justin who was sitting behind him. They got up and marched around the room with their instruments. Every time they did it again, he would walk all the way to the back of the line. He would never cut in line. They are doing a great job at this place teaching them manners. I've lived around here for over 2 years and I have never seen a grown adult go to the back of the line and patiently wait his turn like this little 5 year old boy.

After a few circles around the room, music class was over and we were told that it was time for them to go to lunch, so it was time for us to go. We gave the teachers all the extra snacks we had brought. Sean had carried around a miniature soccer ball we had bought the whole morning and Justin told him to give it to Qi Long and he did. He came over to me and gave the ball back to me and walked away. I called his name and he turned around and looked at me. I held my hand out and asked him to come back and when he did I told him that we wanted to give him the ball and asked if that was ok. He gave me a little grin and nodded his head. And then he walked back over to Sean and gave it back to him. Haha. So our guide asked him to come outside and we invited him to take some pictures with us. It was a hard picture to take because it was all I could do to not scoop him up into a big bear hug. We wanted to give him his space. But as Justin rested his hand on Qi Long's shoulder, he slowly began to lean into his leg and by the last few pictures Justin had his arm all the way around him. We gave him a little teddy bear and told him it was his very own bear. His little eyes lit up and when I asked him if we could come back to visit, he nodded his head in agreement.

We watched him walk away with his class and headed downstairs. Because I knew it was coming, it actually wasn't as hard as I thought. Of course, I didn't want to leave him there, but knowing,from what we saw, that he was in good care gave me much relief and I could breathe easier than I had before. Now, after a couple of days, the reality is beginning to sink in of how much longer we have. I woke up this morning wishing he was in the other room. I turned Christmas music on this afternoon and just felt an aching hole in my heart because it's so hard to celebrate with us here and him there. I can't explain it. I don't have anything to compare it to. But it just hurts. I wonder how he is doing. I wonder how he is processing everything. I wonder what he thinks and I wonder at how confusing it all must seem to him. We gave him a picture of our family and the director told us that his caretaker in the evenings would show it to him and they would talk about the picture and what it meant.

As we left, she told us that she thought it was actually good that we had a lot of time. So that he would have enough time to process what was going on. The ladies that we met seemed to genuinely care about him and I hope that it's true. We want nothing more to than to spend more time with him, but she told us that we could probably only come back one more time before we pick him up. That will be hard, but I understand why. It's hard for the other kids too. We can send him packages though, and we intend to do that regularly with things that he can share with his class.

As much as it hurts to wait right now, we are so thankful for the time that we had with him. We have tried to be serious about the paperwork since we started and I feel like we have done pretty decent. But now, more than ever, I have a motivation to keep me going. Qi Long is no longer a picture on our wall and a file saved on our computer. He is a real, living, breathing, laughing, crying, jumping, smiling little boy. He knows our faces and hopefully, he knows that we think he is special. So, here is to fundraising. Let's bring this boy home!!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow our lives are going to change. This whole process has already been a huge roller coaster. Our lives have been changing dramatically over the course of the last 3 months. But the change has been more subtle, almost other-worldly. But tomorrow, we will come face to face with a little boy who most likely doesn't even know we exist as he lays his head down. We will be able to see how he smiles, how he laughs (hopefully), some of his likes and dislikes, hear his voice and we have no idea what to expect.

I had to grasp to hold myself together tonight as we were buying a frisbee to take with us to play with. He most likely has never seen a frisbee. Frisbee is one of our family things. Justin and I began our relationship by playing frisbee together and it was our favorite activity to do together during our first year of marriage. (We had the coolest frisbee that lit up and we would go to the park at night and play. Yeah ok, we are dorks. End side note.) Anyway, the thought of us getting to teach him how to play frisbee and to join him in on one of our family favorites gave me the cries. Hopefully, we don't hit him in the forehead on the first throw and completely ruin every here-after experience with a frisbee for him.

Jokes all aside, this is a big day. For all of us. We aren't sure what he knows and we trust and respect whatever the orphanage sees best for him in that area. We are completely fine being a couple of really nice people that want to come play for a while. But either way, we are praying that Father will cover our entire 1-2 hours with him with complete peace that passes all understanding, for every one involved. Please help us pray over these specific points today:

*I have been feeling pretty under the weather since last night. Pray that I will wake up refreshed and that I won't be battling with snot all morning tomorrow.
*Pray for language. He most likely has been raised speaking Cantonese, and we speak Mandarin. He has just now started school though, so there is a chance that because Mandarin is the official language of China that maybe he will understand some and we will be able to communicate with him.
*Pray for relationships and bonds to be formed immediately and that the threads that God has already begun weaving will continue to multiply into a beautiful tapestry of family.
*Pray for permission to come back again. The orphanage required that we have a guide from our agency come with us, and I am thankful that she is coming this time, but we are hoping that we can build a good relationship this time, so that we can come back again without having that expense. But mainly we are asking for permission to return, guide or no guide.
*Pray for our hearts as we have to leave. We have been warned by friends that leaving the kids there is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do and I am preparing myself to be broken. But I am praying that peace will rule and that I will be able to know that he is in good hands. And even if it doesn't appear that way, pray that my heart will have peace in His timing.
*Pray for his heart and mind as he processes whatever happens in his 5 year old world tomorrow.

Thank you all so much! I am so so excited to be able to share this journey with you, finally! Hopefully, I will have pictures to share tomorrow night!

We got in!

12/1/2015

10 days later...10 days of having our email set as the home page. Looking and looking for a reply. Checking email at least every hour, at least until I know that there is most likely no chance our case worker is still awake in the States. And sometimes, just staring at the screen, clicking the refresh button, willing the inbox to give me a big, bold number "1."

Waiting paid off and we finally received a reply today. The orphanage said that we can come for a visit!


12/7/2015

So after some conversation back and forth, we decided on Monday December 14, would be the day for our visit. We had told them we were available as early as the following weekend, but it turned this was the best time for them and we sighed a breath of relief because really, we needed some time to prepare. Apparently, we didn't put that waiting time to the best use. haha.

However, as it turns out, (life is funny with howevers!) we ended up needing to travel to the same city this week for some passport issues. We were going to be here from 12/7 to 12/9 and asked if there was any way they could let us in on one of those days. We even did the unthinkable and didn't pre-purchase our return train tickets. (Have you ever stood for a 4 hour train ride, with 2 children? We have!)

We waited, again, on pins and needles....(Is there ever going to be a wait in this process that doesn't feel like you are going to jump out of your skin at the slightest incoming email?)...we received good news. We could go see him while we were in town and save ourselves the back and forth travel next week, but we had to wait until Friday. We were planning to go back either tomorrow afternoon after our doctor's appointment, or Wednesday afternoon just in case she emailed us Tuesday night saying we could go. First thing is first, we aren't among the rich and famous (well famous could be questionable in our small town, but definitely not rich) and hotels aren't as cheap as you would think in Asia. Especially not the soft bed variety. But to save ourselves from double train rides in one week with an almost 2 year old that had to throw his Paci away 2 weeks before? We are going to live it up (do the best we can with said almost 2 year old who just threw his paci away 2 weeks ago) here in the hotel life. What will get me through? My living space cleaned, breakfast cooked for me AND my dishes washed?? I may need intervention when I get back home after almost a week here.