We heard back from the orphanage and they are standing by what is in his files. They are saying that he does not have what our pediatricians are saying that he has and all he needs is some personal love and attention and that his medical delays will resolve on their own. We also received a video of him which, honestly ripped my heart in two. It's one thing looking at a picture and another thing watching a video of a child playing and being a real human kid. A real human kid that doesn't have a mama or a daddy, or two brothers and a dog. He doesn't have anybody that is there for him no matter what. He no doubt has people that care about him and care for him, but it's not permanent. They go home and change shifts and his life is one big ball of who is coming next? But even though they are confident of this, it is still very hard for us to let go of what makes the most sense. Our agency encouraged us that you don't normally find such drastic differences in the files vs. doctors. But we all know that it happens. Are they lying, do they just not know, do they not have the resources to know truly what is going on with him? Or is it really what they say and it's just all a big coincidence that all of his symptoms point to this? Our realism says, "There is no way he doesn't have this. 2+2 always equals 4, no matter how you turn it. But our hopefulness says, "There's so much we don't know."
It's Sunday. Tuesday will be 3 weeks since we first saw him. Today is 2 weeks since we opened our hearts to the idea that he could actually be our son. And as of today we have spent 1 week trying to let him go. This is not a natural process of the heart. At all. But neither was my own adoption.
It wasn't natural for God the Father to send His own Son into the world to grow up only to die, in order for me to be adopted into His family. It wasn't natural to watch his Son grow up into a beautiful young man whose very breath was only used to bring glory to His Father, just to watch him suffer in agony and pain. None of that was natural, and yet it was worth it. God saw that I was worth it. And I know that no matter what happens on this journey, no matter how painful it is on the way there, in the end, whoever our son or daughter is, it will be worth it.
I am praying these words over this sweet little boy today. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer. 29:11
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